Saturday, August 27, 2011

Fantasy Hockey vs Hockey Fantasies

What you will NOT be winning - my Habs den treasures.
So Laura (aka @habbykins) and Bro (@HfxHabby) and myself (if you don't know who I am by now I'm flattered you're reading - thanks) have formed a Yahoo Fantasy Hockey League called "The League of Ordinary Smartasses".

The reason this league boasts only Ordinary Smartasses as opposed to Extraordinary Smartasses is because Yahoo said that name was too long.

We have 15 spots out of 20 spoken for (including ourselves) and 10 have already confirmed registration (including ourselves). You lucky savvy readers who are good with numbers realize instantly this means there are at least 5 spots left for you to join.

Why join you ask? Simple. Prizes. We 3 have even disqualified ourselves from winning the loot, so your chances are at a minimum 1 in 17 to win assuming all slots get filled.

Also, hey... it's us. We are fun. We are happening. We are hockey fans, though not all of us are Habs fans in this league. Also we are pretty darned cute. What more do you want anyway?

Barring a significant lottery win on our part, the prizes will be small tokens of our gratitude for tolerating us and putting up with our nonsense. And we also like our tweeps so this seemed like a fun idea to us. Remind me I wrote that when I come in dead last in the pool.

Just for fun, I thought I would clarify the differences between what is going on with this Fantasy Hockey League, and point out how it is not one of my endless hockey fantasies.

For example:

Habs winning Stanley Cup for 25th time - Currently a "hockey fantasy", especially if you ask any non-Habs fans and even some Habs ones. This is subject to immediate change should my ritual sacrifices to the Hockey Gods finally bear fruit.

Tyger Twinkies - The name of my team in the Fantasy League that has just as good a chance of winning the pool as any of the other ones at the moment. Team motto: The Twinkie defense gets me off every time. Anyone else remember that lawsuit? If I go gonzo after winning or losing, this is the defense I intend to employ. Also, the gloves were too small.

Mike Cammalleri scoring - Currently a "hockey fantasy" unless I suddenly become his new girlfriend.

Scott Gomez scoring - Currently ranked 294th by default on Yahoo Fantasy Hockey, and I hope to hell he's ranked a lot higher after this season by comparison.

Strip Hockey - A hockey fantasy somewhat akin to strip poker, only there's pucks instead of chips and there's no ice involved unless you are talking about what's chilling my vodka coolers. 

Scoring Hockey - The fantasy league doles out points for goals, assists, shots on goals, shutouts and on and on and thank God I don't have to do any actual math here. 

The Commissioner - In my perfect hockey fantasy world it would be me once I've finally Bon Cop Bad Copped Gary Bettman's butt to the curb.

The Commissioner - Our fantasy league's Commish is @Habbykins but Bro and I are Assistant Head Honchos which is - alas - likely as close as we are ever going to get to such fab hockey powers.

Smackdown City - In my fantasy world the Habs are bigger and tougher and don't spend so much time on the LTIR (I'm looking at you Markov).

Smacktalk City - In our League of Ordinary Smartasses, smack talking is pretty much mandatory.

So there you have it: the key differences between hockey fantasies and fantasy hockey.

Hockey fantasies may well be fun, but I promise if you choose to join our Fantasy Hockey it likely will provide you with some fun too and if not it's pretty much guaranteed to provide US with some fun at your expense and this is why we do this kinda thing 'cause it's not like we're getting paid for it.

And no, you don't have to pay for it either. It's free to join our league.

If we get enough interest we will open a second league and add more prizes. Feel free to queue in the comment section below. My email is listed at the very bottom of this page if you want to send me a message.

UPDATE: Wow that was fast! Our first league is already full so we've opened a second. Same scenario applies. No fee to join, minor prizes, all hockey fans welcome regardless of team preference. Can contact any of the three of us for registration info. Thank you for playing and good luck!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I Think The Sky Is Falling

There hasn't been a lot going on lately to blog about other than the ceiling falling down in my apartment. No I'm not kidding.

For seven weeks there has been on-going construction on my apartment. Last winter a storm ripped open a hole above our balcony, and the pigeons had taken to roosting inside. Their constant crapping rendered our balcony unusable up until about two weeks ago when they were forcibly evicted by a pest control guy.

Pest control guy told us that there was 15 pounds of pigeon poop in the rafters. I have to wonder if he weighed it, what sort of scale he weighed it with and how often he disinfects it, and if  weighing the poop is part of the service and if so why, or something he just does for fun? Maybe he's inhaled too many chemicals or too much pigeon poop and this is why he came across more as a weirdo and less as an expert in his field.

But with the pigeons gone and the seven weeks of banging and pounding over with, we finally had delusions of getting our apartment back. What we got instead was a daily reference to the Chicken Little story, only with plaster and drywall instead of with an acorn.

Here are some snaps for your viewing pleasure.




I will spare you more photos of this nature, but suffice to say it's now going on throughout the rest of the apartment in the dining room and living room. In fairness to my landlord, they did hire the original contractor in good faith, who in turn took advantage and prolonged the work by weeks and did a shoddy job.

We really got tired of it when we found that there were now electrical problems as a switch was coming loose from the wall and making a funny noise when we attempted to turn the dining room light on and off. The very next day the landlord hired a different contractor, who told us they repaired two 15 ft. crevasses in the roof.

It hasn't rained since, but we are all waiting to see if the problem has finally been solved. Fingers crossed.

In the meantime I did what I usually do when I get stressed out and that is buy some Habs bling. Here it is - the Centennial Set.

It was a four way purchase and actually belongs to Da Nephew courtesy of myself, his father and his grandparents, but that hasn't prevented us all from enjoying the hell out of it. He's only 2 himself, but he still likes to look at the "hockey people" as he calls them.

I'm longing for hockey season to resume, but I am also enjoying the summer. Or at least I was until I fell asleep in the sun yesterday and turned into Crispy Tyger. Yes, I am old enough to know better but I have lacked proper sleep for months due to the midnight schedule and I was finally warm, comfortable and I gave in to the lure of some much needed rest and vitamin D.

I cannot really wear clothing except for a loose shirt, and Mom is reportedly tired of "looking at my ass" as "every time I look up there it is". No, I am not uploading photos of this.

So far my summer has mostly been suffering, sleeplessness and missing hockey. I hope you all are faring better!