1. Make a list of all the things you meant to do but forgot. Add the things you did poorly, or started but never finished.
For me personally that list is going to go on for a few years, so I'm just going to go ahead and lump most of it under I didn't do what I promised, say what I meant, and sometimes ran rampant with hypocrisy. Also I've started writing book after book and only ever finished one, which was not worth the time it took since this book truly sucked. I also didn't finish my university education or my law degree, and I tend to bounce careers out of boredom once I enjoy some success.
2. Find someone to blame for each thing on the list. Be sure to write everything down.
Well I'm just going to blame Brad Marchand his huge honking nose for all of it. It's totally distracting to look at, and if you get downwind when he sneezes then it gets pretty difficult to recover from that.
3. Tell everyone who asks the name of the person you have decided to blame for everything. Make sure to repeat this several times, to ensure that everyone is able to remember the scapegoat.
Well I'm writing a blog post here for everyone to see for all eternity, so it's pretty public but in case you have the attention span of a gnat or a hyperactive 2 year old, my scapegoat of choice is Brad Marchand. Notice the nose?
4. Be careful, as everything you blame on someone else may come back to haunt you later. After all, if you can blame someone else, so can they. It is best to blame someone who is your equal or who is somehow inferior to you. Best of all is some anonymous entity, such as Big Government, Terrorists, or Politicians.
Brad Marchand does haunt me, in my dreams. I have nightmares of being blown away after he sneezes. I pray he never becomes a Hab, because then when he inhales sharply there go Gionta and Cammalleri.
|Marchand wishes his nose was this small!|
Also, he's a Bruins so that's 2 strikes against him right there, and I'm a Habs fan so that's 2 points in my favour. Also, this is MY blog!
I'd blame the government or terrorists or politicians, but they pretty much take it from me for everything else and I'm trying to be honest with this post here so I have to stick with Marchand. I'll just have to be brave and risk that he may, in fact, sneeze in my general direction while I'm watching him play in the Halifax Metro Center in September.
5. Once Blame Someone Else Day passes, it's all your fault again. Use this day wisely.
Oh I am. Mom can spend the day yelling at Marchand for a change. By the time she's through he should be looking a lot like Rudolph and I'm not talking Valentino baby. I'm talking reindeer!
Edit: My brother @HfxHabby and I have started a FB group for trading hockey cards. If you want to join, here's the link: Hockey Card Trades. Just send a request and we'll hook you up. This is NOT for dealers or people looking to sell or make a profit. It's for fans who want to trade just like we did when we were kids!