In the past I’ve said that half the letter carrier depot is comprised of Toronto Maple Leafs fans and the other half are Montreal Canadiens fans, but the truth is the split is probably more along the lines of 75-25 in favor of the team I like to hate the most. This was great fun when the Canadiens made the playoffs last year.
Overheard by yours truly:
Leafs fan: “Your stupid Habs gonna have to play Washington, eh? 8th place finish! Good luck with that!”
Habs fan: “Yeah, yeah, and the Leafs are playing who again?” Cupping hand to ear as Leafs fan scowls and stomps off. “What was that? I can’t hear you!”
Fast forward after a long summer and now it’s this:
Leafs fan: “Ahem. Have you seen the standings?”
Habs fan: “You’re delusional. You know that right? Get help.”
Leafs fan: “That Boucher guy’s doing all right, eh? Wasn’t he supposed to be one of yours?”
Habs fan scowls and stomps off.
Payback’s a bitch, folks.
I had a truly horrible day at work on Thursday, and since Friday looked like it was gearing up to be pretty much the same, I decided I needed some body armor. Since I have no access to chain mail, and am pretty sure I can’t bear the weight even if I do find some, the best I could do was my Habs hat.
Here's a pic of a Habs hat identical to mine for you to get jealous over.
My shift this week started at 5 am, and since the rear entrance doesn’t get unlocked by security until around then, I usually come in a few minutes early through the front door where the security booth anchors the lobby.
I didn’t even make it past the front door.
The guard in the booth took one look at me and said, “I’m pretty sure I can’t let you in wearing that hat.”
“Too bad,” I told him, swiping my passkey and unlocking the door. “Cause I’m going in there anyway.”
He laughed and I made it downstairs to my work station where the other LCA (letter carrier assistant) was already getting set up for the day. When the usual LCA goes on vacation, he usually gets covered by one of the letter carriers and this week it was me.
Basically we distribute the flyers to each carrier and they take them out on their routes around the city to deliver with their mail. We usually have a 2 hour head start before most of the carriers come into work, though there are always some walks that start even earlier.
We exchanged pleasantries and finally an early bird strolled in and stopped to chat with the other LCA for a bit. After a moment or two he noticed me and decided to take a swipe.
“How can you work with her while she’s wearing that damned hat?”
My fellow LCA threw her hands up in disgust. “I can’t. I can’t even LOOK at her right now.”
“You’re just jealous of my stylin’ hat,” I said, sniffing indignantly.
A few minutes later I finally got some support. Another carrier strolled by.
“Thanks!” I beamed. “Much better than the Leafs, eh?”
“I actually like the Leafs too.”
He laughed at the look of utter shock on my face. “I like all the Canadian teams really. Half the time I tend to root for the Habs tho.”
So from now on I’m only going to talk to him half as much as I normally do.
A short while later a supervisor rounded the corner and caught sight of me. “My God you are a brave soul coming in here with that hat on. There are so many Leafs fans in this depot.”
“I know. There’s no accounting for taste,” I said, pushing past him with my cart full of flyers.
His indignant “Hey!” followed me around the corner. I guess he’s a Leafs fan too. I never liked that supervisor anyway.
Once all the carriers had left a bunch of suits came through. The plant is undergoing a transformation whereby more efficient machinery is being installed. My hat became a sudden focal point.
They literally stopped dead as they were passing by and stared at me.
“Can I have an autograph?” asked one of the suits finally asked.
I gaped at him, momentarily flummoxed. “An autograph?”
“Don’t see many outright Canadiens fans around here. You’re an odd one.”
I laughed at that. He has no idea.
But he didn’t get the autograph.
I wish we didn’t have to wear uniforms to work. I’d really love to wear my jersey and hat and paint the CH logo on my face all at the same time.
Do you think I’d get lynched?